Behind Color Lines

She Came Home For Christmas

Sun, 03 Feb 2008 13:50:11 GMT

(disclaimer: I don't own Mew, and the title of this story is from their song of the same title.)

She Came Home For Christmas

(adapted from the song of the same title by Mew)

Now that it’s actually Christmas, all is left is bleak winter. When I try to look at the windows, it just looks empty. The whole surroundings just feels so empty.

I remember the time she left me.

I had met her in the eyes and then the next thing I knew she was already in my arms. How time flies when you least expect it, when you felt that you’ve enjoyed each other’s company, when you’ve already told yourself that you feel content with her around for the rest of your life.

It seemed so superficial to me to fall in love, at first, but when she came into my life everything changed.

But then.

I woke up one morning only to find out a piece of paper lying next to me.

“I’ve gone away, thanks for the memories.”

The words just silenced the noise in my heart. It completely stopped everything around me. Choking back my newly-felt grief I crumbled, unable to get up, lost.

For days I wandered listlessly, hoping to regain my sense of self. She stole away like the thief in the night.

Couldn’t hear anything or feel anything, I witnessed what’s completely the last thing on my mind. Her smile, her touch, her presence just make me not care about myself anymore, for these are now owned by another.

Don’t touch her there, she’s blindfolded---and she remembers it from before.

But into my heart I don’t remember anything anymore. And I know this that she owes us the second she left.

It’s not me, it can’t be. And it’s not you that I can’t do. What do I do if it’s you?

The last thing I said to myself was “This is not happening”.

Taken from Queen Reese.

Sat, 10 Nov 2007 08:11:46 GMT

Most of the stuff here are accurate, really. I got this info from here: [link] .

You entered: Nizrhane Jawhara Francine Abdallah
There are 31 letters in your name.
Those 31 letters total to 142
There are 12 vowels and 19 consonants in your name.

Your number is: 7

The characteristics of #7 are: Analysis, understanding, knowledge, awareness, studious, meditating.

The expression or destiny for #7:
Thought, analysis, introspection, and seclusiveness are all characteristics of the expression number 7. The hallmark of the number 7 is a good mind, and especially good at searching out and finding the truth. You are so very capable of analyzing, judging and discriminating, that very little ever escapes your observation and deep understanding. You are the type of person that can really get involved in a search for wisdom or hidden truths, often becoming an authority on whatever it is your are focusing on. This can easily be of a technical or scientific nature, or it may be religious or occult, it matters very little, you pursue knowledge with the same sort of vigor. You can make a very fine teacher, or because of a natural inclination toward the spiritual, you may become deeply emerged in religious affairs or even psychic explorations. You tend to operate on a rather different wavelength, and many of your friends may not really know you very well. The positive aspects of the 7 expression are that you can be a true perfectionist in a very positive sense of the word. You are very logical, and usually employ a quite rational approach to most things you do. You can be so rational at times that you almost seem to lack emotion, and when you are faced with an emotional situation, you may have a bit of a problem coping with it. You have excellent capabilities to study and learn really deep and difficult subjects, and to search for hidden fundamentals. At full maturity you are likely to be a very peaceful and poised individual.

If there is an over supply of the number 7 in your makeup, the negative aspects of the number may be apparent. The chief negative of 7 relates to the limited degree of trust that you may have in people. A tendency to be highly introverted can make you a bit on the self-centered side, certainly very much self-contained . Because of this, you are not very adaptable, and you may tend to be overly critical and intolerant. You really like to work alone, at your own pace and in your own way. You neither show or understand emotions very well.

Your Soul Urge number is: 9

A Soul Urge number of 9 means:
With a 9 Soul Urge, you want to give to others, usually in a humanitarian or philanthropic manner. You are highly motivated to give friendship, affection and love. And you are generous in giving of your knowledge and experience. You have very sharing urges, and you are likely to have a great deal to share. Your concern for others makes you a very sympathetic and generous person with a sensitive and compassionate nature.

You are able to view life in very broad and intuitive terms. You often express high ideals and an inspirational approach to life. If you are able to fully realize the potential of your motivation, you will be a very self-sacrificing person who is able to give freely without being concerned about any return or reward.

As with all human beings, you are prone to sometimes express the negative attitudes inherent to your Soul Urges. You may become too sensitive and tend to express emotions strongly at times. There can be significant conflict between higher aims and personal ambitions. You may resent the idea of giving all of the time and, in fact, if there is too much 9 energy in your nature you may reject the idea. You may often be disappointed in the lack of perfection in yourself and others.

Your Inner Dream number is: 7

An Inner Dream number of 7 means:
You dream of having the opportunity to read, study, and shut yourself off from worldly distractions. You can see yourself as a teacher, mystic, or ecclesiastic, spending your life in the pursuit of knowledge and learning.

----wow.

I feel so BLAH...not.

Tue, 02 Oct 2007 12:29:23 GMT

So I've been out and about for several weeks now---trying to adjust with people and sked, trying to at least be kind (as they say...I couldn't stomach the fact that they just make me do things for them---I couldn't say no, and there's no point for me to complain) and trying to keep up with my hobbies. I write so few nowadays, and I struggle to draw Son Goku and Vegeta every single day. The challenges an irregular student has opened up for me, and I've learned to embrace them one by one.

Research here, interviews there, photography sessions everywhere---and here I am trying to digest what I've been reading, hearing, and writing in class. The makings of a soon-to-be twenty-year-old are coming up on me, and I've getting mixed messages and experiencing mixed feelings. It so happens that my parents are forcing me to grow up, being independent and all. I have been thinking of studying again after this four-year course I am in right now, and Dad is just as supportive. I've always wanted to be a doctor, following the footsteps of my uncle, and I'm going for it.

Christmas. As always, I'll be alone. I'll be alone in the confines of bright Christmas lights and the cold December air. I don't know what will be in store for me this Christmas, it just makes me think that I should find new things to be busy about.

Oh well, I sound like I am getting old.

A Research Survey ---please answer! :D (URGENT!)

Sun, 23 Sep 2007 07:52:04 GMT

Name*:
Age:
Address(City will do):
Occupation:

*In case the respondent (you) would not trust the interviewer with
personal information, you may put on a nick name or just your first
name
will do. Or please just put 'Personal information not able to be
shared'.
This questionnaire is for Research purposes in a fulfillment of a
course requirement by the researcher, therefore the information you
are
about to give will not be shared to anyone except the Professor of the
interviewer.
The following are questions that are related and will be used in
helping the research of the study.
Please delete the underscore (_) before your best answer. Just choose
one for each question.

1. Are you currently insured?
_Yes
_No
2. For you, how important is insurance?
_Unimportant
_Sort of important
_Important
_Quite important
_Very important
3. Which for you is the best to be insured?
_Automobiles
_Houses
_Valuables
_Body parts
_Land
4. In case you will apply or already have, which one of the following
would you feel?
_Safer
_Less safe
_Nothing
5. Would you trust your money with the insurance company that will
cover for your insurance?
_Yes
_No
6. Do you think that insurance is only for the rich?
_Yes
_No
7. What areas in your city are prone to risks?
_Squatters' area
_Supermarket
_Town houses
_Shopping Mall
_Banks
8. Have you been robbed before in your area?
_Yes, just recently
_Yes, a couple of times already
_Yes, but it was a long time ago
_Always
_Never
9. How often do you see vehicular accidents on streets or roads near
your residence?
_Never
_Rarely
_Sometimes
_Form time to time
_Always
10. In the Philippines, do you think insurance companies would insure
the life of individuals?
_Yes
_No
11. If you have an automobile, have you ever been included in an
accident?
_Yes
_No
12. What was the cause of the vehicular accident? (Answer in case you
answered yes to the previous question)
_I was drunk
_I fell asleep
_I was distracted
_Malfunction in my automobile
_It was the other person's fault
_I was driving too fast
_Others(Please specify in a few words)___________
13. When do you have the most accidents?
_When riding/driving to school/work
_When walking
_In my house
_In untidy ares
_In crowded areas
14. Do you think that insurance companies use insurance as a means of
personal gain and profit?
_Yes
_No
15. Do you think you need insurance?
_Yes
_No
16. What kind of people do you think needs insurance?
_Rich
_Poor
_Those who can afford it
_Those who have alot to lose when an accident occurs
17. Do you belive that those who can afford insurance must apply for an
insurance?
_Yes
_No
18. Do you believe that insurance is a matter of need of protection?
_Yes
_No
19. Which of the following would you prefer as your insurer?
_A company
_An individual
20. Are you familiar with any insurance company in the Philippines?
_Yes
_No
Please state them in case you are familiar with at least one.
__________
__________
__________
__________
__________

Boo-boos. Confused. Blah.

Wed, 05 Sep 2007 04:02:05 GMT

Conk me with a wrench if you want to, but this I got to share. (I apologise to those who are very mushy when in a relationship.)
Gone are the scary times when I had to text some forty-something horny man. Here comes the frustrating times of dealing with a lovesick/heartbroken nineteen-year-old.

I have a guy friend who loves A Bathing Ape and hiphop music, but none of these are connected to what I'm going to share *hahaha*. This guy was very in-love with his girlfriend, so very in-love that he insists that he's loyal. And so very in-love with his girlfriend that it annoyed me too much.

Now you might be asking why I'm annoyed.

Read this and imagine this scenario.

Me: "Hey, 'musta na? (Hey, how are you?)"
That guy: "Eto kasama ko gf ko. (Here, with my girlfriend.)"

Next day...

Me: "Hey, 'musta na?"
That guy: "Eto natutuwa! Girlfriend ko kasi ang lakas maglambing! (Here, getting so amused! 'Cause my girlfriend is soooooo sweet!)"

Another time...

Me: "Oist, 'musta na?"
That guy: "Eto, kasama gf ko. Grabe...alam mo ba ang gf ko eh napakaganda at napakalambing sa'kin! Eto ako sa bahay n'ya, and she's cooking for me!...(I'm here with my girlfriend! You know what, my girlfriend is so pretty and very sweet! I'm right here at her house and she's cooking for me!...blah blah)

You know what? I'm absolutely pissed off. It's pathetic. I don't like it when one has to mention every single thing about his girlfriend. I mean, is there anything more can he share to me, besides his girlfriend? I don't care if his girlfriend's pretty or sweet, or funky, or intelligent! I even managed to mediate in their argument, just 'cos his girlfriend isn't openminded. She was insisting on something that she though as a "dirty joke". Yeah, whatever.

I stopped texting him. Whenever he texted me, I didn't reply. I was just wasting my time with him.

Suddenly, 3 days ago. I was eating my fave pancit canton when a I received a text message from him. Yes, him.

"Nizzie, please reply. I need help. Please. I want to die..."

So, ever the worrywart, I asked him what was going on.

"Niz. Break na kami ng gf ko...(Me and my girlfriend broke up)"
"Bakit kayo nagbreak? (Why did you guys break up?)"
"Nasasakal na daw sya eh. (She's all choked up.)"

Now the girlfriend thinks she's being smothered up by her boy.

"...and I want to die."
"Sige, magpakamatay ka't di na makakaalis sa lugar ng kinamatayan mo ang kaluluwa mo. (Go ahead and commit suicide. Your soul won't escape from where you died.)"

He replied: "Eh ano'ng gusto mong gawin ko? (What do you want me to do now?)"
I said: "Maghanap ka ng pwede mong gawin. (Find something to do)"
He said: "Kelangan ko s'ya...(I need her)"

I didn't know what to answer. His sadness is irritating me, but is very contagious.

The next day (yesterday). He texted me, asking for help again. He wanted me to find him a new girl. *slaps self on the forehead*

So I hurried up and asked help from my friend AJ, and he gladly sent me a mobile number by business card. It was my pretty classmate Eya's number. So I sent that number to my guy friend who-desperately-crying-out-for-help. To my amazement, Eya and my guy friend clicked. They are now text friends.

What's embarrassing to know is that my guy friend admitted to Eya that he's in-love with her! Eya was like, "OK".

He's broken-hearted, and emotionally-dependent---and I don't know what to do. I feel like I am annoyed and concerned at the same time.

Tag. From Ate Gee.

Sat, 28 Apr 2007 10:13:07 GMT

TAG DAW!!! waaaah!

Apr 28, '07 5:19 PM
for everyone

1. What is your full name? Nizrhane Jawhara Francine Esquivel Abdallah

2. When is your Birthday? 16th of March, 1988

3. What is your e-mail address? in.chaotic.disarray@gmail.com

4. Do you smoke? noopsies.

5. How many sexual partners have you had? erm...wala.

6. If you can't answer, is it really that many? wtf? hahahahaha!

7. Can you cook? a bit.

8. What was your dream growing up? to be a psychiatirist...and to kill people who make surveys like these...LULLZ!

9. What talent do you wish you had? to be able to time-travel.

10. Favorite place? my room! nonstop ang interent dito, hindi ako manginginig

11. Favorite vegetable? squash

12. What was the last book you read? philippine bedtime stories... charing! haha

13. What zodiac sign are you? gemini

14. Any Tattoos and/or Piercings? U r tattooed on my mind ::: >>> panalo 2 ate mhel! haha

15. Worst Habit? kasama na ba dun ung biglang bibirit ng mga bndang 2:30 ng umaga? haha

16. Do we know each other outside of multiply? oo nmn, kay ate mhel ako nagmana ng kadiyosahan! ahha

17. What is your favorite sport? karate! yaaaah! ahhaah

18. Pessimistic or Optimistic attitude? PEssOPtimic attitude...hikhik> me 3!

19. What would you do if you were stuck in an elevator with me? tulog na lang tayo... haha

20. Worst thing to ever happen to you? alam nio nahhh! braless! wahahaha

21. Tell me one weird fact about you: wala akong maisip... marami eh! haha

22. Do have any pets? uu, si roxie

23. Do u know how to do the macerana? oo naman! pang-prerog ko sana itech sa social dance... naunahan ako... haha

24. What is your time? huh? hehe... 5:31 pm

25. Do you think clowns are cute or scary? no commen

26. If you could change one thing about how you look, what would it be???
ung maagans tumingin... hehe

27. Would you be my crime partner or my conscience? syur!

28. What color eyes do you have? brown eyes! hehehe

29. Ever been arrested? naaah

30. What is your favorite drink? iced tea

31. If you won $10,000 dollars today, what would you do with it?
shoppinggggg!!!!!!

32. What kind of bubble gum do you prefer to chew? watering kiss mint

33. What 's your favorite place to hang at? wala eh.. masaya ako sa lugar na kinatatayuan ko kung kasama ko ang mga mahal ko sa buhay... yeaahhhbaaahhh!

34. Do you believe in ghosts? Kung lahat ba nmn ay kasing guapo ni Casper, y not?>>> true true true!

35. Favorite thing to do in your spare time? secrtt... hahaha

36. Do you swear a lot? no

37. Biggest pet peeve?mga di ko matke? ahha

38. In one word, how would you describe yourself?mayumi!

39. Do you believe in God? yes

40. What is your favorite thing about me? cute

41. What is your zip code? may plano kang mag-stalk?

42. What city do you live in? pasig

43. What is your favorite TV show? american idol... noon un !whaahah

44. Will you repost this so I can fill it out and do the same for you? eto na ngat nirepost ko nah

Tshirt Art

Fri, 20 Apr 2007 08:07:30 GMT

So it has been 3 days since I received an SMS from dear Miss Mae asking me if I can go to skool to do the Yearbook. I on the other hjand was so bored that I could've chucked m'self out of the window out of sheer frustration---I backed out of summer classes.

At lunch Zeny and I were discussing about their T-Shirt Printing business. I had wanted to have a shirt printed by Zeny...so she worked on the design. As you see, the design she made is just next to this text. Hahahaha she made that herself...it's pretty kewl and it has a cat in it...plus the title of Mew's latest album. Awwwww...there aren't any Mew shirts being sold here so I opted to have it made. Wonderful. :hearts:

Next time it's gonna be Hellogoodbye. :D

sniff Mew and the Glass Handed Kites Blues sniff

Tue, 17 Apr 2007 23:10:55 GMT

I feel very bad. Really bad.

I took a trip to a few record stores the other week to get a copy of Mew and The Glass Handed Kites. Sadly, I got the same response from all of them: "Ay, sorry, we've pulled them out already." Oh geez. I could have cried and plead but I know it will serve no use. Just like the same experience my close friend went through: she was looking for OK GO's new album months back and the people at the record stores told her that they've pulled them out of the shelves and had them returned to the distributor. Awww man.

My Mew album collection is way beyond complete and I don't know what to do. I just don't like purchasing them online. I want to buy them myself, picking them straight of the rack and bring them to the check-out counter. Seeing Mew and the Glass Handed Kites here in the Philippines is futile, but it serves a good thing in a way, anyways: if it gets too mainstream here in the Philippines, the sense of Mew's art is lost.

All I could do now is sigh.

Hmmm. Summer. Yeah?

Mon, 16 Apr 2007 11:43:15 GMT

So anyhoo, I am very bored. So much so that I backed out of the Summer Class plan. Now I am here, slouching in my seat infront of the PC, editing images for DeviantArt. Oh well, here goes nothing. I bet I am getting way beyond being industrious. Uh, I have been very busy with a few things right now, and I miss my friends back at the Lyceum. With cushioning the hurt from missing them, I decided to edit their photos...it may seem like a prank/joke/or whatever but I can't help but do it. Hahahahaha...not much of the good kind but it works.

Vacation, you say? Noop. I have no plans to swim and bask under the heat of the sun. Who cares if one kid goes to Puerto Galera with her cunt kada for 2 days? Two days?!? Seems like they haven't been there, nor they've heard about it or something. Whatever.

I'll be out and about the city the whole summer. Maybe I shold check the football camp. My feet are raring to go kicking! :D Or just laze around and do something with the cables. Shoosh. If I could be like Jamie Oliver traveling with his trusty hippie van, I'd never be lost in the world. I'd be driving ang driving...around town and out of town.

Here's the cut: Can't wait for May. I want to enroll for next term. Mhanie, Crystal and I had decided on leaving the old Legal Studies block. *sniff*

not that enticing

Thu, 08 Mar 2007 07:34:00 GMT

Go figure. I am bothered. Go tell someone I'm in deep trouble (and I know someone out there will laugh)...NOT.

No to senseless kids who think the world loves them. Duh. Isn't it like: "you can't please everyone" then how come they love the world...and I could care less if they're after money, fame...and having to tell everybody to bear with mood swings! Like there's only one kid who's got mood swings!

In their faces. All they know is to flirt, shop, pout, party, groom...like they are GLAMOUROUS!

Shoot. You've lost your lives to pathetic teenage enjoyment.

Episode One: How To Make You Hate Me

Thu, 01 Mar 2007 22:06:21 GMT

Once there was a 16-year-old girl who entered a new school. She left her old school of 10 years because she flunked Algebra. That day she was wearing her old Justice League shirt and a jacket and a pair of faded jeans. She scoured around the hall, and she feels so alienated. So alienated for the people in her new school are way different than the people at her old school.

Fast forward to the classroom. Every newcomer was asked to introduce herself to the class. So when this girl stood up, all eyes were on her. Especially the eyes of her future friend. So the newbie introduced herself in fluent English, matter-of-factly speaking in a friendly tone. And the future friend cocked one eyebrow, and another girl did the same. They were not liking what they were seeing.

These two girls began to taunt the newcomer. They taunt her because she dressed up differently, and because she spoke English. The newcomer felt so annoyed about the girls. She wasn't even talking to them.

Everyday these two girls went on annoying her, pointing to her clothes, her way of speaking, and her ideas...even the way she makes friends. Then the newcomer thought: is there anyway they could stop them from following me?

A Reminder.

Sun, 25 Feb 2007 03:27:06 GMT

SO TESTOSTERONE BOYS AND
HARLEQUIN GIRLS WILL YOU DANCE TO THIS BEAT?

Tue, 13 Feb 2007 22:05:24 GMT

Mula sa isang sulok ng silid-aralan ay tanaw na tanaw ko ang hiwaga. Hiwaga kung bakit ako pumapasok sa eskwelahan araw-araw.

Walang kwenta man isipin, di naman ako makapag-pigil sa aking damdamin. Mabait naman akong tao, di naman ako nanakot. Ang masaklap lang n'yan ay torpe ako.

Pinagmamasdan ko siya habang nagsusulat, pinanunuod ang bawat kilos, at tinitingnan ko ang kanayang mga mata.

Masama na talaga na talaga ang tama ko sa kanya. Di bale, aayusin ko na ang sarili ko. Pero di ko lubusan isipin kung gaano s'ya kahinhin. Mahiyain s'ya, tahimik. Pero kakaiba s'ya, unique kung baga.Yun nga lang, torpe talaga ako. Mahiyain tulad niya. Kahit ano na lang ang payo na ibnigay sa akin ng mga kabarkada, wala pa din. Ang hina ko talaga!

Araw-araw nalang ganito, hinihintay ko pa s'ya sa kantin.Nagbabaka-sakaling makausap ko s'ya. Wala pa din.
Naghihintay ako ng himala mula sa taas para kunin na ako ni Lord, wala pa din.

Isang araw sa klase ng P.E., kampanteng-kampante akong pumasok sa gym. Nakaheadset, pinakikinggan ang mga tugtugin sa MP3. Pagbaba ko ng bag, at paglingon ko, laking gulat ko ... kaklase ko s'ya sa P.E.!
Palapit na lamaang papunta sa uupuan ko nung ...

"Lopez."

"Ma'am?"

"Magcheck ka ng attendance."

Patay! eto na nga ang masaklap. Ako pa'ng pinagcheck ng attendance!

"Twenty-two, Romualdez. Present."

"Twenty-five, Santos. Present."

Nabanggit ko ang apelyido nya! Pero natatawa ang mga kaklase ko, pati s'ya ... bakit kaya?

"Lopez!"

Eto na nga, kalase ko ang lumapit. Ano kaya nakakatawa sa ginawa ko?

"HAHAHA! Lopez, patawa ka!"

Napatingin ako sa kanya na animo'y alien s'ya na naligaw.

"Eto ha: twenti-fur, twenti fayb... HAHAHA!"

Ayun na nga. Katawa-tawa nga ako. Eh ano naman ang masam dun?!? Pasensya na't taga-Calamba ako eh. Dyahe talaga...

Mas dyahe naman 'to: pinagtatawanan ako ng crush ko. Ang laking dyahe talaga. Parang wala na 'ata akong mukhang maiharap sa kanya.
**
**
Hinintay ko ang tatlong oras para matapos ang P.E.. Uwing-uwi na talaga ako. Di man lang ako pansinin ng crush ko.

Lumipas ang mga araw at wala pa ring nangyari. Paikut-ikot ako sa eskwelahan, paupo-upo sa bench at naglalaro ng PSP. Hinihintay, iniisip, pinagmamasdan ... lahat na lang pwede kong gawin. Dumating na lamang sa isang araw na napagod ako sa kakahintay. Tumayo na lamang ako para maglakad palabas ng Dapitan gate. Uwin-uwi na ako't nagmamadali ng biglang ...

BOOG!

Bumagsak ako nang may tumama sa ulo ko. Minabuti kong bumangon habang minamasahe ko ang gilid ng ulo ko nang may sumusugod sa'kin. Naka-medyos na mahaba at football shoes.

"Ay sori! Sa'n ka natamaan? D'yos ko, sori talaga! Dadalhin kita sa clinic! Sori talaga! Di ko sinasadya--"

Panay ang sorry n'ya. Halatang alalang-alala s'ya.

"Oks lang. Ayos lang ako't--"

Crush ko ang kausap ko ngayon! S;ya nga! S'ya pala ang nakatama sa'kin!Kumakabog-kabog ang puso ko ngunit di ko magawang isigaw ang aking nararamdaman -- nasa gitna kami ng football field.

Napatawa nalang ako habang nakayuko. Halong hiya at takoy at pag-aalinlangan.

“Wag na, okay lang ako,” wika ko.

Umalis na lang ako nang nakayuko pa din. Di ko na s’ya tiningnan.
**
Noong gabing iyon ay natagpuan ko ang sarili ko na nakaupo sa bintana (a la “The Day You Said Goodnight” ng Hale). Nakatitig sa langit. Nagsisi kung bakit pinabayaan ko s’ya…

Tinulungan na nga ako eh…tanga-tanga ko! Pagkakataon ko na sana!

Naramdaman ko na lamang na may luha na ako sa mga mata.

**
Hmm. Bagong araw, panibagong pagsubok, ‘ika nga.

Hinarap ko ang buong araw nang buong tapang at walang iniisip kundi ang pupuntahan kong mga klase, mga dala kong materyales at mga iguguhit ko. Normal naman na dumaan ang mga araw. Walang namang nangyari.

Walang nangyari.

‘Di ko man lang s’ya nasilayan.
‘Di ko s’ya nakita.
‘Di ko man lamang napansin!

Nasaktan ko ‘ata s’ya.

**
Dumaan ang mga araw na di ko s’ya nakita. Walang akong babae na nakita na naka-headband na red. Na naka-clip na green. Na maikli ang buhok. Na naka-football gear.
Naglalakad lang ako mag-isa sa Lovers’ Lane. Tinitingilaan si Santo Tomas.
“Saint Thomas, ano naman kaya po ang payo n’yo sa’kin? Problemado ako eh. May gusto po akong babae. Maganda s’ya. Mabait. Matagal na po akong naghihintay ng tamang pagkakataon. Kelan kaya yun? ”

Oo nga pala. Rebulto ang kausap ko. Di naman yan sasagot yan eh.

“Ay, may assignment pala kami sa Theology!”

Kinuha ko sa bag ko ang bibliya. Nagmamadali. Ayokong gumawa sa dorm, aantukin lang ako eh.

Paglabas ng bibliya mula sa bag ay may nahulog na papel mula sa loob ng libro. Alam ko naman na wala akong nilalagay na notes dito. Pinulot ko ‘yon at binasa.

Maghintay ka lang. Oks?

**
Tanghali. Sa kantin. Mabilis akong tumakbo papuntang order lane para umorder ng lunch ko. Dali-dali akong pumila…dali-dali akong nakipag-siksikan sa mga tao-tao. Gutom na gutom na ako!

Lumipas ang ilang minuto at nakapag-order na ako ng paborito kong kare-kare at porkchop. Pinuproblema ko naman ang uupuan. Jampacked ang mga tao!

Naghahanap ako ng mauupuan hanggang sa maisipan na maki-share na lang. Dyahe naman…

“Miguel!”

At sino naman yun?

“Dito ka na lang. Wala akong kasama eh.”

Nilunok ko ang aking laway. Totoo ba ito?

“Hi!” sabay ngiti n’ya.

Napangiti din ako. Di ko ma-contain ang kasiyahan ko.

“Salamat Santo Tomas, sinagot n’yo ang prayers ko!” wika ko sa sarili ko.

**

Sorry if the story is sorta fast-paced...:( please comment after reading. Thanks!

Tagaytay! (at nahilo kami pauwi!)

Tue, 23 Jan 2007 21:49:14 GMT

Going to Tagaytay is always fun. You see the miniature Taal Volcano at the left and the green pasture on the right. Don't forget the blue sky above.

My classmates Jai, Dan, Keeko (my bf) and Jenald were with me, scouring Tagaytay for a good outreach venue. We found two: a boystown with a UST-like area, and Little Angels Orphanage, a tiny house that sits next to a quaint chapel (reminds me of those little chapels in England...they're being covered in leaves).

Btw, We weren't able to come inside the boystown. *sheesh*

The orphanage we went to was far more welcoming than the boystown. The kids were really happy to see us, and the people there were kind enough to show us around the house.

Kids began to storm out of their rooms to see us---and one boy climbed up on me! I so love the kids when they welcomed us, I felt that everything was as happy as they are. &hearts;

After visiting the orphanage, we left bid Jenald goodbye (cos he had to go home early to Trece Martires). Then stopped by to Olivarez to have a snack at Burger Machine (sorry guys, we're short of cash...).

Hailed a bus at 5:09pm. We were so happy that we were able to accomplish the task before dinner (hahaha) and that we were able to go home safely! :)

The only flaw was: Keeko and I felt dizzy. The A/C was on us, and even if we adjust the fan, the cold air just hits us! Phew, good thing we reached Pedro Gil before anything got worse than that.

Unbearable Disbelief.

Wed, 10 Jan 2007 10:22:19 GMT

So, to start this off, I would like to say this: HAPPY NEW YEAR!

(tinatamad na ako mag-HTML.promise.)

Matters...

I've been known to write a lot, most especially back in 7th grade. I used to write fanfics for my friends (basically those fics I wrote summed up my trauma and angst with the world), and I was so happy that it made them laugh and rant at the same time.

Much to my growing disbelief that my thing for writing is slowly waning, I had sought help from friends to keep it up and running. One night I stumbled upon a thought: I only write when I am angry, sad, depressed, dejected, broken, desperate, and sinister.

Well, Drew told me that angst makes one write. That's why.

And, one more thing: I suddenly began to write less when I left home to live alone!

I miss those times when I was so excited to bring my notebooks to school. Those notebooks contained the so-called fic. My friends would huddle around to read it aloud, and I would hear Dianne giggling, Fini guffawing like crazy, Drew laughing, and Loriel smiling like some idiot. *kidding* It's just pure contentment that I feel evertime my friends have these reactions to my works.

*** *** ***

I am very confused.

This afternoon, after I got out of the boring seminar, Mhanie came up to me. I was with Keeko, R-Jay Macam, Arha, and Tich near the school entrance.

Mhanie: Niz, uy, balik ka ulit ng Batingaw!
Me: Huh? Mhanie, pag-iisipan ko pa kasi...
Mhanie: Niz, alam mo ba na isang classroom lang ka-dami ang Batch 30 ngayon? Sige na naman o, Niz!
Me: Eh, pwedeng next week na lang? May gagawin ako bukas at sa Saturday eh...
Mhanie: Alam mo, kahit magpakita ka muna kay Kuya Nappy or kay Kuya Bench...sabihin mo lang na babalik ka. Oks na yun!
*then she pulled me by my arm*
Me: Mhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaniiiieeeee! *looked back at Keeko, pouting*

*fast forward to the rehearsal room*

*Mhanie was greeting her her fellow batch 30 people*
*I was also greeting some people whom I've worked with at the G.A.*

Mhanie: Uy, si Ate Wy-Ann!
*Ate Wy-Ann is the all-black-clad girl who writes most of TB's plays*
*I covered my face, too shy*
Mhanie: Ate Wy, eto si Nizzie, babalik na sya ng Batingaw!
Me: Hullo po, Miss Wy-Ann! *Ate Wy-Ann gave me a high-five*
Ate Wy-Ann (to Mhanie): Ah, s'ya pala ang sinasabi mo! Naalala ko na s'ya!

*Mhanie and I nod*

Ate Wy-Ann: Sige balik ka na sa Batch 30! *then walked off*

Mhanie: See, sabi ko sa'yo magpakita ka lang eh! Ireto mo sina Fish, Aien at Raiz!
Me: Ay oo, tsaka pinsan ni Kiko!
Mhanie: Oo nga, pinsan mo pala! Sabihan mo, ikaw ang pinsan eh!
*Kiko smiles sheepishly, Mhanie pats him on the shoulder*
Me: Oo nga, oks na. Sige alis na ako. Salamat ha, Mhanie.
Mhanie: Oo, sige bye! *peck on the cheek*

I am very confused if I still want to go back to Tanghalang Batingaw. :( There are still activities that are being lined up for the coming weeks (like the ocular visit to Bilibid Prison in Muntinlupa on Thursday next week, Field Trip to Avilon Zoo and La Mesa EcoPark on the 21st, then JPL Outreach slated on the last week of January or first week of February, and the upcoming Midterms). Hwoooh! I also want to go back to TB cos theater is my life, and is a true art. I want to help Mhanie and Jai with it...but I don't want the experience to happen again, that my relationship with Keeko almost became strained cos we don't get to meet. T.T That first happened when I went to train at a call center. Awww man...help.

This is just very lame...but anyway...

Fri, 10 Nov 2006 08:37:49 GMT

It's been a long time since I last got here. It was frustrating enough to think that I have been very bored last sembreak and that there's nothing to write about. No inspiration.

So I had to keep myself up by staying at Drew's house for the remaining days before skool started. I went with her to the cemetery, went to malls, even ate outside. It kept me sane, much as I did to keep her sane too.

Or course I should not forget my Kiko. :)) I met up with him twice last sembreak---on enrollment day and just last Saturday. Boredom seeped through me, making me miss him very badly. :(

But now I'm a bit okay cos skool has started again. I'm back at skool, in the same block...but my old blockmates became fewer than last semester. Kiko and I are still in the same block. RJ Macam, Dan Miranda, April Andaya, Jai Seruelo, Deck Usi, Mae Mariano and the lot are back. The Indie Girl herself, Cy, and Pangga aren't---sniff. :((

Oh well...I hope I could go through this sem very well...:) I've gotten saner than before, I've charged my whole mind for this. It's cos that nobody's bothering me anymore, not even that HAIRBOY.

Hairboy is just complicated. She tries too hard to be noticed, I think. All I know is this: she is just plain INSECURE.

Tue, 31 Oct 2006 08:24:01 GMT

I am bored with this sembreak. Period.

Kulasa Reunion!

Sat, 14 Oct 2006 10:53:11 GMT

To all Kulasas that I had been very close to:

Hullo there! Last time Droo suggested to put up a Kulasa Reunion for us to gather back again to discuss about our goings-on in our College life...and of course, to reminisce our times as funny, wacky, Scholasticans getting through bulk of homework and projects...and even social life!

We had planned to set it up at Cafe Bola GB3 (as always...any suggestions pa?) this October (my suggestion, this time) or towards the end of the year.

This message comes out to the following:

Droo, Bells, Alena, Yanny, Zia, Nanie, Ian, Dani Dalandan, Antonette...keep on attending other Scholasticans na din!

Nizzie

just a blurb

Fri, 06 Oct 2006 22:46:03 GMT

finals this sunday. algebra hurts.

Wed, 27 Sep 2006 09:22:17 GMT

This has been bothering me since...forever. I should REALLY be an English Major!

I enrolled myself in Mass Communications- Broadcasting so that I could get hold of different media. C'est tout.

You scored as English. You should be an English major! Your passion lies in writing and expressing yourself creatively, and you hate it when you are inhibited from doing so. Pursue that interest of yours!

</td>

English

100%

Journalism

100%

Linguistics

92%

Psychology

83%

Theater

83%

Philosophy

75%

Anthropology

75%

Art

75%

Dance

58%

Biology

58%

Sociology

50%

Chemistry

42%

Engineering

42%

Mathematics

33%

What is your Perfect Major? (PLEASE RATE ME!!<3)
created with QuizFarm.com

Sun, 17 Sep 2006 10:01:45 GMT

For all this time there had been a lot of matters that went stuck in between the very gap of my mind. I happen to keep these things for so long but...it keeps on forcing its way out.

School. How could I forget the red ink on my test booklet. "65" on my damned Algebra test. I couldn't even spill this to my Dad. I know I'll be dead meat. As for the other tests, I am sort of content with the results. As long as I don't fail.

Yeah, school has its ups and downs. I have mentioned the downside already, so here goes the upside: field trip on Sunday the 24th!

Love. This may suck but, I am generally a person who never preferred to share life with somebody (say, a tyrant called a "boyfriend")...but things went completely different when I stepped into some school back in Junior year. Drastic change, that is. College life changed when a guy named Francis courted me.

Francis is a guy who'd really understand how I feel. He loves pampering me, taking me to places, making me laugh, and making me feel special (like any guy would do to his girl). Kiko is just so right. <3 It so happened that he came right at the time I needed someone to be with, for no apparent reason. This makes me remember one thing Drew had shared to me: "...a right person at the wrong time. A wrong person at the right time." Sounds weird, eh? But Drew's right.

Friendship. I am constantly on the run. It is because I tend to leave things unfinished. (You know what I mean by that) Yes, I still have a few friends from two of my old schools (St. Scho Manila and Santa Isabel College), but now that I have moved into a new direction, there are now new characters that I need to deal with. There goes the "kalog" guy who goes by the name of Danilo Miranda, the "Eeeeeh!" girl Aien Lacamiento, cool R-Jhay Macam (the "h" is bothering me), crazy-talented Twist Castaneda, young mum April Andaya, oozing with intellect Kuya Ronn...there are so many of them! And I thank them for coming into my life, as much as I thank Kiko for being with me.

...

Goodbye, Crocodile Hunter.

Thu, 07 Sep 2006 07:09:47 GMT

I'm gonna miss this guy. Crikey.

Of Transferring and Greenbelt 3

Wed, 23 Aug 2006 06:39:52 GMT

So filling, that pasta I ate at MYLK last Friday.

So filling that I was almost on the verge of puking it all out.

That affair was to celebrate Sadek's and Kim's monthsary. Oh well, they were expecting Kiko to come with us but Drew appeared instead. Kiko would've gotten so bored if he were there.

Drew was busy texting...for she was getting ill with all the group date stuff. It was killing her. And I understand that. I myself never preferred going out on group dates. Not that I'm saying that Sadek's idea was corny and none too...(I can't find a proper word). It was just that group dates just choke me.

Sadek had called me BROWNIES?!? WTF?!?

Sadek: Ano'ng tawag sa'yo ni Kiko, 'Brownies'?"

Nizzie: Ano?!? *punches him in the stomach*

It was a night that made me think that I should've dined out with Drew at Cafe Bola or went out with Kiko instead. But I didn't want my friggin' curfew to interfere with my date. Ack.

I have planned to transfer to a condo with Kim and her classmates. Drew's plan is far too late, for she isn't sure on when she can move out. I'm moving to Sta. Cruz. (Btw, Dad has arrived already.)

And...I'm gonna work at a call center. Gonna work on my French for that.

The After-effects Trivia (thanks to Puning Cave)

Mon, 07 Aug 2006 03:05:01 GMT

After a muscle-straining, voicebox-tearing day of spelunking, I decided to put this entry to the test (for my right shoulder is in pure Hell):

> I arrived first at Lyceum...hahahaha. Kiko (aka Francis) was next, then followed by RJ Burgos...then Danilo Miranda.

> While on the trip, we had riddles and questions and trivias abound. I answered most of 'em, most especially the stuff concerning Rizal.

> Arriving at Puning Cave, we had to trudge along mud, cow dung, and grass...and had to cling on a rope to cross the Bayabas River.

> Entering the cave:

* * * We held on for dear life on a rope again...and the water was uber-c-c-c-cold...

* * * Many of us bumped our heads against stalactites and some limestone rock formations.

* * * Kiko got scratched by two fruit bats. My, wala naman kasalanan si Kiko, ah! *waves clenched fist*

* * * R-Jhay Macam (yes folks, with an "h") dreamt of having a fashion show-slash-photo shoot inside the cave. I wonder what Tim Yap would say about that.

* * * Exit: We had to walk approximately 3 kilometers of muddy (maybe chocolatey in texture), rocky path. I had fallen thrice, the last one made me yell "Barnacles!" (think: Spongebob Squarepants)before fainting.

* * * Can you imagine this: a guy borrowing your pants?

* * * Kiko and I had soda and chips for lunch, and chips again for merienda. (How healthy can you get?)

* * * Sadek aka Gerbil or Sadge (yes folks, he was the guy who borrowed my pants) invited me and Kiko over for "fine dining" at Greenbelt 3 on the Eighteenth of Eight.

Sadek: Nizzie, invite ko kayo ni Francis for fine dining...
Nizzie: Oh? Kelan?

Sadek: Sa eighteen.

Nizzie: Saan naman?

Sadek: Alam mo ba yung Greenbelt?

*Nizzie was half-insulted, half-nauseated, Kiko was sarcastic.*

Kiko: Ay, hindi, hindi!

Nizzie: Sadge, laking-Greenbelt ang kausap mo. I have spent my childhood memories there...

Sadek: Alam mo yung MYLK?

Nizzie: Ah, yung "My Little Kitchen"...oo naman. My Dad and I used to dine there.

*Sadek nods. Kiko was quietly listening.*

Nizzie: Kami nga ni Kiko sa Cafe Bola kami kumakain eh.

Sadek: *oblivious* Saan yun?

Nizzie: *snickering* Alam mo yung Music One di ba...across nun. Katabi ng Bubba Gump.

Sadek: Ah.

Comment: Fine dining ba ang ino-offer ng MYLK? Di ba they don't? Sentro 1771 and Italianni's are two of the fine dining restos at GB3. Haaaay Sadek naman...T_T

Comment sa Trip: Fun trip, only that the mud...*grrrrrrrr* The fun part was we looked like aliens in the dark cave 'cos of we were equipped with headlights with a disco-light function!

Commercial Break

Thu, 03 Aug 2006 08:12:44 GMT

What Kind of Geek are You?
Name
DOB
Favourite Color
Your IQ is	quite high
You are a	word nerd
Your strength is	you never need to sleep
Your weakness is	electrons
You think normal people are	stupid
Normal people think that you are	satanic

This QuickKwiz by owlsamantha - Taken 274785 Times. </a>

Behind Color Lines

She Came Home For Christmas

Taken from Queen Reese.

I feel so BLAH...not.

A Research Survey ---please answer! :D (URGENT!)

Boo-boos. Confused. Blah.

Tag. From Ate Gee.

Tshirt Art

*sniff* Mew and the Glass Handed Kites Blues *sniff*

Hmmm. Summer. Yeah?

not that enticing

Episode One: How To Make You Hate Me

A Reminder.

Tagaytay! (at nahilo kami pauwi!)

Unbearable Disbelief.

This is just very lame...but anyway...

Kulasa Reunion!

Hullo there! Last time Droo suggested to put up a Kulasa Reunion for us to gather back again to discuss about our goings-on in our College life...and of course, to reminisce our times as funny, wacky, Scholasticans getting through bulk of homework and projects...and even social life!

We had planned to set it up at Cafe Bola GB3 (as always...any suggestions pa?) this October (my suggestion, this time) or towards the end of the year.

just a blurb

Goodbye, Crocodile Hunter.

Of Transferring and Greenbelt 3

The After-effects Trivia (thanks to Puning Cave)

Commercial Break

sniff Mew and the Glass Handed Kites Blues sniff